I know that it is unusual for me to do a post without pictures but my heart is so full towards my children and I want to share the feeling with everyone. (I do know that the only people who read these posts are my family but to me -- they are everyone.)
I remember saying that all I wanted was to be a good mom. To raise all my children to adulthood with all their limbs intact and not addicted to something terrible. I hoped they would be contributing members of society but that was not required.
To say that they have far surpassed my expectations is to say that I love them. Neither statement truly embodies the depth of what I feel for all five. They are amazing - incredible adults in society and parents to my grandchildren in their homes.
I always do things oldest to youngest -- this time I will switch it around.
Ah, my baby, Cassie. My Mother's Day card from you is "Wonder Woman" and that alone makes me feel incredible. You are the only one who calls me Momma and my heart swells each time you say it. I have been so blessed to have had time with you as the "baby" that was special. You made a very difficult time for me bearable. You will never truly know what that meant to me. You always made me feel loved before, during, and after the split with Dad. I knew you loved me unconditionally. That taught me so very much and I have tried so hard to emulate that trait in you. You always stood strong for what you thought was right (even when small and with your grandmother - the "lupin") and I admired that then and still do to this day as it is a characteristic that you have not lost. I wish distance was not an issue between us as I would love to see you often as you grow and experience joy in being a "momma" yourself. I love that I was able to hear the absolute wonder in your voice when you called yesterday to tell me that Ophelia had taken her first steps. What a choice moment. I am so very excited to get to come and see it for myself in a couple of weeks. Memories I hold dear are 1) when your older sisters tested me to the max you said, "Momma, I promise never to do that to you" and 2) you being my matron of honor at my wedding. I wish I had a video of the toast you made as I would love to watch it now and then. The words you said resonated within me and made my heart almost burst. You truly made the day perfect. Thank you for always being there for me, even when I know you didn't want to. Love from Momma.
A Facebook post from Rhiana today sent tears streaming down my face. I have often told my children that the gifts that make me cry are the best gifts ever. She succeeded. Oh Rhiana -- we have certainly had our ups and downs over the years. No one in the family would even try to dispute that. However, I have said often and I firmly believe it with all my heart --- you are the most like me. Neither of us likes to be told what to do or when or with whom. We both have a deep inside us need to experience things ourselves, no matter what the warnings are. I watch you and relive moments and decisions that I, too, had that need to live. Sometimes that is so much fun and others, well it breaks my heart as it does yours. You LIVE life. I love that about you. You have so much patience and love for your little girls and it shows in their unfailing devotion to you as well. I think sometimes that I love having them come and stay because it takes me back in time and I get to have fun with you all over again. Elena has often looked at me odd when I have accidently called her Rhiana. She is so much like you were that I forget sometimes and your name just comes out of my mouth. You are good for me. Seriously. I think more than anyone else, you have taught me to be a better mom. To recognize that my way is not always the only way and to allow people to take their own paths. I am so thankful of where we are today -- close not only as a mother/daughter but as friends as well. I wish so much that we lived closer but am very thankful for the technology that exists and allows us to Skype and talk often. Most of my treasured memories of you are shared secrets that we kept from Dad, but one moment in time stands out for me. We were on a dance trip and you were with a bunch of the girls. You didn't know that I was around the corner and everyone was trashing their moms but you didn't. In fact, you out and out stated how you thought your mom was the best. It sent me down the hall with eyes filled with tears and still does today when I think of it. The next best one? You telling me that I was the best cook ever and that you missed my food. I know that seems simple, but no one ever really said anything like that to me before. It made me feel oh so loved on a very basic level. I love you my mini me and can't wait to see you at your wonderful wedding next month. I will honor you with straight hair, a small braid on each side going to the back, and baby's breath in it. Anything for you my sweet.
Last year for Mother's Day, my son sent me a letter that I keep in my bedside table and read often. This year -- he called and verbally told me how he feels towards me. Both events created tears of joy and caused my heart to almost burst. Matthew, I wish I could express to you how proud of you I really am. I know, I know -- pride is not a good thing -- but dang, I am so very proud. Your success in business and work ethic are not to be questioned by anyone -- ever! You are such a good man and the most incredible father to your children. You treat Your wife like the queen that she is and the love in your eyes for her is unmistakable. My memories of you are in the thousands and it's hard to pick one moment that stands out for me as the one that my heart holds to most but I would likely have to say that it is when you arrived home from your 2 year mission and walked right past everyone to find me, pick me up, and twirl me around. To have put me first and shown your love that way is something I will NEVER forget. Oh my son, thank you for always standing by me, even when it hurt you, for saving my life when you were oh so small and for the respect that you always show me. I love you more than life my favorite son.
Another letter arrived today - this time from Amanda. Oh my Amanda. More tears. How can I even begin to start? I fell in love with you the day you arrived and it never changed. You have grown into the most wonderful woman and daughter any mother could ask for. Our friendship is something I hold so very dear. I think of you often throughout the day and wonder what antics all of your boys are up to and how you continue to be who you are. You are a bright, shining, spot on this earth and I am simply amazed by all that you do. You have always enjoyed being a "girl" and I enjoyed letting you do that while still participating in sports and hunting. Your love of fishing brings a smile to my face each time you talk about it. I love that you stand up for yourself! In everything! You are a strong woman and I see that all the time. My favorite memory? The one I hold most dear (besides the "pickle trees") is the day you came home from Camp Pita the first time and sat down to tell me everything in a play by play complete description. I saw the compassion in your eyes and the love you had for those children and I knew right then and there that if God saw fit to send a special needs child to this family, it would be through you. It touched my heart more than I can ever explain that you could look outside yourself and find a way to give to society. Not many teenage girls can do that. You are indeed special and don't ever forget it. The world is luckier because you are in it and I am luckier still because you are my daughter. Love you to the moon and back.
I was blessed to spend my birthday weekend with Jennifer. The fact that you take time from your busy schedule to be with me a couple times a year is something I will eternally be grateful for. You are such a good mom to your children and they have such busy lives that I know how difficult it is for you to get away. I certainly treasure those moments. Your time is the greatest gift you give me and to be included in the family activities is something I will hold close my whole life. You are the best friend and listen to whatever I have to say - everyone needs someone like that in their life. You don't always agree, but listen anyway. I am thankful that I am able to be your sounding board as well. Again, we all need that person around us and being yours lets me be a "mommy" still. I admire how you handle adversity so well and keep such an amazing attitude. Your wit and intelligence is fun to be around and I love the opportunities I have to see you let loose a wee bit. I feel as though we have been friends forever. Yes, there have been rocky times, but your forgiving nature has allowed us to be best friends through it all. You came into my life as a very young lady and we literally grew up together, making a special bond that nothing can erase. Each accomplishment of yours felt like it was mine as well and watching you become the incredible woman that you are has filled my heart with joy on many occasions. I think perhaps my favorite memory of you took place when you were in Young Women and they taught a class on working moms. Since you had one --- you stood up for me in front of them all and I will never forget how that made me feel when I heard what you had done. Also, being with you when Jon came into the world is a memory I will cherish forever. What a special opportunity that was for me. Thank you. I love you so much it's hard to express.
If I have only one wish right now it would be to have a picture of me with my amazing children. Perhaps we can make that happen at the wedding next month? I love you all --- know that and take joy in it for I know many people who lack that relationship with their mother. I think of you all each and every day of my life and always will.
Mom
P.S. Last November I did a post about the things in life that I am thankful for. You make the top 6 of course but if you didn't get a chance to read it, here is the LINK.
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